Steroid High

I started on steroids yesterday. I haven't been on them since I was very young and did not quite appreciate how completely bonkers the experience is. It's like I'm hooked up to a drip of sugar with match sticks holding my eyes open. Even when I've had too much and feel high and like I'm going to vom, I am still wide awake and restless. I went to the gym this morning at 9am (unheard of in this house!) because I was so wired. The docs said if a week of these guys combined with another oral antibiotic don't work then I have to go back into hospital on Monday. This concept is frustrating to say the least. Particularly due to the Swine Flu/Vomiting Bug signs all over Vincents at the moment. Getting into Clinic on Monday was awkward enough. My PFT's are down again and my white cells are up. Nothing is drastically bad, just annoying. The cf nurse said to me 'I haven't seen you in aaages', and that was seriously depressing. I had been thinking it that morning in the shower. Gosh I haven't been in here in aaages. Actually, I got off intravenous antibiotics on December 16th. And we thought it was a life time. I'm practically living there the past year. How boring.

The waiting part of CF is boring. I have so much to do, I am so damn lucky that I have so much to do but I can't do it all. I know exactly what's wrong with me. I'm half way to an infection and getting the damn Swine Flu/Flu vaccine brought it on. I hate that I know that. I knew that was a risk when I got it because of the multiple resistancies I have in my sputum. If I didn't get it I was in an equally difficult situation. One bacteria in my lungs is fully sensitive to all antibiotics and the other is fully resistant. One can be treated and the other can't, essentially. So they try all of these different combinations of drugs that they had to test in another country because they couldn't test here that took over three weeks to come back. It would be great if these steroids worked, and at least there is something new to try and I'm well enough to try it. I need to stay well next week to finish editing my book and hand it over on Friday forever. It will feel so fantastic and I think will do me a world of good. I really want to sink my teeth into the next thing.

I bought Gender Trouble (Judith Butler) and The Beauty Myth (Naomi Wolf) today, so they'll keep me company next week if I have to go in. Reading The Good Citizen at the moment too. Still listening to My Dark Twisted Fantasy. There is no escape. Strangely while listening to it today on Georges Street on the way back from scoring some

a random strung out looking lady started hitting me. It was so random and not a big deal, but scary non the less. And then Mary Harney resigned, but I had to check the news twice because I felt so wired in this crazy drug combination. Whatever anyone thinks about her, that job has got to be one of the hardest in this country.